I like this satirical news article about math and fear of

I don’t remember where I saw this satirical news article, but I saved it, and I’m sharing it with you now:

 

 School Teacher Arrested at JFK Airport

A school teacher was arrested today at JFK International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, an ancient wooden device called a “slide-rule” as well as a code device called an “abacus” that he claimed was a calculator.

At a morning press conference, the U.S. Attorney General said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

“Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” the Attorney General said. “Al-Gebra has terrorized many young people for years.

They derive solutions by means and extremes and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values”.

“They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns,’ but we’ve determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”

As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say; “There are 3 sides to every triangle.'”

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Biden said, “If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.”

White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by a President at any time in all of history. ABC, CBS, CNN, MSNBC, NBC proclaimed Biden has solved yet another problem created by Trump.

 

 

 

 

 

About GlenAnderson 1513 Articles
Since the late 1960s Glen Anderson has devoted his life to working as a volunteer for peace, nonviolence, social justice, and progressive political issues. He has worked through many existing organizations and started several. Over the years he has worked especially for such wide-ranging goals as making peace with Vietnam, eliminating nuclear weapons, converting from a military economy to a peacetime economy, abolishing the death penalty, promoting nonviolence at all levels throughout society, and helping people organize and strategize for grassroots movements to solve many kinds of problems. He writes, speaks, and conducts training workshops on a wide variety of topics. Since 1987 he has produced and hosted a one-hour cable TV interview program on many kinds of issues. Since 2017 he has blogged at https://parallaxperspectives.org He lives in Lacey near Olympia WA. You can reach him at (360) 491-9093 glen@parallaxperspectives.org